White House, Silver Screen

JEFFERSON IN PARIS

White House, Silver Screen

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Today is President’s Day, which is an incredibly meaningful and holiday that provokes strong and emotional feelings in the hearts of every American who gets the day off from work.

The origin of the holiday comes in the fact that George Washington and Abraham Lincoln’s birthdays were both national holidays that fell in close proximity to each other, which meant that employers were being asked to give employees two days off, and debate began about whether Jefferson, Kennedy and other President’s birthdays should be national holidays, and finally it was decided that in the interest of being true to the concept of honoring the Presidency, we should find a solution that makes as many people as possible feel the need to complain.

In honor of all of those that have served as Commander In-Chief, we have decided to take this time to reflect on some of the great Presidents who have been honored on the silver screen. But it occurred to us that many of the greatest Presidents in cinematic history did not, technically speaking, actually “exist”: in the truest sense of the word, but their contributions deserve to be remembered nonetheless. But just for fun, we have decided to leave it up to you, the reader, to discern which ones are real and which ones are fictitious

Daniel Day Lewis as Abraham Lincoln in “LINCOLN”

In January 1865, President Lincoln expected the Civil War to end within a month. However, he was deeply concerned that his 1863 Emancipation Proclamation may be discarded by the courts once the war had concluded and that the Thirteenth Amendment would be defeated by the returning slave states. A series of events was set in motion in which Lincoln would forever change history and win his third Academy Award. Unfortunately, despite his success in film, President Lincoln’s very brief foray into live theatre did not prove to be nearly as gratifying.

Harrison Ford as President James Marshall in “AIR FORCE ONE”

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After troops are sent into Kazakhstan to capture General Ivan Radek, the rogue leader of a terrorist regime which had taken possession of nuclear weapons, President James Marshall shocked the world when he vowed on international television that his administration would take a firmer stance against tyranny, and that they would never negotiate with terrorists. “Never again will I allow our political self-interest to deter us from doing what we know to be morally right,” Marshall said. “Atrocity and terror are not political weapons, and to those who would use them, your day is over. We will never negotiate. We will no longer tolerate and we will no longer be afraid. It’s your turn to be afraid.”

He neglected to add “And if terrorists decide to hijack my plane, they should know that I have seen ‘Die Hard’ like, a bunch of times” but he said it with his actions, and that is what counts. Because James Marshall was the kind of President who relied on action, not words. Unlike Han Solo, he never shot first, but he always shot last. He was a true leader beloved by all, regardless of your political party, in part because there was no way of knowing which one he belonged to as it was never mentioned by anyone.

Bruce Greenwood as President John F. Kennedy in “THIRTEEN DAYS”

In October 1962, U-2 surveillance photos revealed that the Soviet Union was in the process of placing nuclear missiles in Cuba. J.F.K. and his closest advisers, including his brother Bobby and Kevin Costner (who had grown a lot since his days of completely failing to successfully do a British accent in “Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves” and was instead completely failing to successfully do a Boston accent) were forced to come up with a plan of action to prevent the activation of those missiles, little knowing that the X-Men would eventually take care of things anyway.

Bill Pullman as President Thomas J. Whitmore in “INDEPENDENCE DAY”

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When the Earth was attacked by alien invaders on the weekend of the 4th of July, it was in no small part due to the leadership of President Whitmore, a veteran fighter pilot in the Gulf War Whitmore lead the aerial attack against the enemy himself, which had never before been done by a sitting President (although he obviously had to be sitting. Have you ever tried to fly an airplane while standing up?) and has never been done since.

Josh Brolin as President George W. Bush in “W.”

Starting out as an irresponsible, alcoholic frat boy, George, called “Junior” by most, came from a prestigious American family and was constantly in his father’s shadow, which was unfortunate, because every time George saw his father’s shadow that meant six more weeks of war.

In 1986, Junior cleaned up his act and became a born-again Christian (this rebirth serving to explain why Brolin does not convincingly reach middle age in the film.). From there, he gets involved in his father’s successful 1988 Presidential Campaign, where an advisor named Karl Rove puled Junior aside to tell him that he believed the younger Bush had the potential to make a name for himself.
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Meanwhile, Iraq invaded Kuwait and Dad sent in the troops, but decided not to oust the evil Dictator Saddam Hussein after advisors told him they should leave it open for a sequel. And sure enough. in 2002, Junior (who did in fact made a name for himself, cleverly placing the letter “W” randomly in between his father’s first and last names) won the presidency, and not long after that, “Iraq Wars: Episode II: Clone of The Attack” opened to decidedly mixed reviews but still managed to have an extended run.

As the film ends, the question of what was accomplished in Iraq was left open for debate, at least George W. Bush was able to end his Presidency with the knowledge that no one with the name Hussein would ever again hold a position of major influence in international politics.

Nick Nolte as Thomas Jefferson in “JEFFERSON IN PARIS”

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On July 4th, 1776, Thomas Jefferson wrote the Declaration of Independence, which categorically stated that, in the event that the United States was ever invaded by aliens, the Chief Executive must lead the aerial assault.

Of course, Jefferson went on to be President himself, but this movie is about the time between the declaration and the Presidency, and chronicles the relationship between Jefferson and one his slaves, Sally Hemings (played by Thandie Newton.). A 1998 DNA study found a match between the male lines of Jefferson and Hemings descendants, which lead to widespread acknowledgement that Jefferson did in fact have an affair Hemings and was he father of all of her children, and that a that one of their great great great great great great grandchildren went on the appear on “All In The Family” before movie’ on up to a deluxe apartment in the sky.

So, can you spot which Presidents were real and which were fake? Leave your answers in the comments below.

1 COMMENT

  1. James Marshall and Thomas J. Whitmore are fakes.

    The film “Lincoln” was really good. I was hoping the film would be a biography of his life (given the fact he failed many times to be president) but still it was interesting seeing one aspect of his influence as president during the Civil War with the Emancipation Proclamation.

    Now as much as I want films to be accurate with historical figures, I have to admit Independence Day and Air Force One has pretty hardcore presidents! We need some of those!

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