Macin Smith’s mom talks about moving forward: ‘I did not choose this road of grief’

Macin Smith with with mother Tracy Bratt Smith. Photo: Macin Smith Family

ST. GEORGE, Utah, Jan. 10, 2018 (Gephardt Daily) — The mother of Macin Smith has opened up about how she and her family plan to go forward in 2018 as they face what would be their youngest son’s 20th birthday in the spring and their third year without him.

Macin went missing from his home in St. George at age 17 on Sept. 1, 2015, and April 7 is the 20th anniversary of his birth. Macin walked away from home early in the morning when his parents thought he was on his way to school, and vanished without a trace.

For Macin’s mom, Tracey Bratt-Smith, and dad, Darrin Smith, these two years and four months have been a roller coaster of emotions — some moments of optimism when there is a lead that might be sound, but also, the unbearable limbo of having absolutely no idea where their youngest son might be, or indeed if he is still alive.

Bratt-Smith and other family members have posted Facebook updates as often as they feel able to on the Help Find Macin Smith Facebook page — with a membership that has swelled to 53,319 — in the hope of bringing him home.

On Wednesday, Bratt-Smith opened up in a Facebook post about what might be next for her family:

“I have made the commitment to pare down my schedule this year,” she writes. “As scary as it is, I’m going to allow for more free time. Free time used to equal being stuck in my head, marinating in grief. I’m making the leap to live in the moment more, enjoy my sweet husband and my family more, reflect on positive memories of Macin more, and find joy in the journey. I did not choose this road of grief, however, I’ve got the greatest companions to travel with.”

Bratt-Smith writes about how Macin’s disappearance is affecting her whole family, including her elderly grandfather:

“I’ve been stuck in my head for weeks,” she writes. “Not in a particularly bad way, just a lot of focus on what’s next for the Smith family. My grandfather currently lies in a hospital bed with a feeding tube, hours away from me. He is surrounded by his wife and children but for those of us watching from afar, it is a helpless feeling. He is an example of a life well lived. I am so proud of my WWII fighter pilot Grampa. I’ve met with him a few times since Macin disappeared and his face would light up when I would approach him but there was also deep sorrow behind his smiling eyes. He shares our grief.”

Bratt-Smith writes about the strength of Macin’s Army, the name given to those who follow the Facebook page and have taken part in a myriad of ways to attempt to locate her son:

“I believe in the innate goodness of humanity,” she says. “The positive that has come from our trauma has been notable. Of course we miss our Macin every minute of every day. We talk about him like he’s going to come through that door any minute. He is frozen in our minds at 17 years of age although he’ll be 20 in a few months. What would a 20 year old version of Macin be? Sometimes I’m afraid that I won’t recognize the man that he’s become. I hope he hasn’t changed too much.”

She also writes about her wish that her grandfather and her youngest son could meet again.

“I wish I could see them side by side now. I wish for my grandfather to not leave this earth without seeing his great grandson alive and well. My grandfather is getting the medical care that he needs, which I am truly grateful for. I hope they realize what a privilege it is to care for such a great man. But who’s taking care of our Macin? I have come to realize how precious our time is with one another. Each one of us will eventually wake up one morning to the reality of a loved one gone. A footprint on our heart that cannot be swept away. A regret that perhaps you should of made that one last visit or made that one last call or followed through with a request of time that you were too busy to give.”

Macin, the youngest of the Smith’s six children and the only one who was still living at home, left behind his cell phone, wallet, laptop and his school binder.

Macin did leave a note, which his parents discovered a week later, folded inside his wallet. They have not released the contents, preferring to say the note contained an “intent,” which led them to believe he may have planned to harm himself.

Macin has light-blue eyes and he had short blond hair when he went missing. He is 6 foot 4 inches tall and weighed 200 pounds before his disappearance.

There is a $10,000 reward in place for information leading to Macin’s location.

Anyone with information about Macin is asked to call the St. George Police Department at 435-627-4300.


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