Salt Lake City, March 4, 2017 (Gephardt Daily) — I’m the daughter of a Class five hoarder, so I actually giggle when I watch “Buried Alive: Hoarders,” because man, those people are amateurs!
I’m the one hovering over my poor kids at their birthday parties whispering, “Do you really need that? How about we put that in the ‘throw away’ pile right now, huh?”
Look, I understand not everyone is as eager to chuck stuff as I am. But please, my friends. there are things that need to be sent out the door and into the dumpster.
There is no room for excuses. The items in question are beyond rehabilitation.
And when you’re done, your space will seem so serene. So clean. So perfect!
10 Things To Throw Out Right Now
1. Socks with holes in them. I don’t care if you are the Dark Mistress of Needle and Thread, you’re not going to darn them. A six-pack of socks is $3.99 at Walmart. Splurge.
2. Ancient Underwear. Archaeologists found these sad little fibers as the remnants of an old bra in a 400-year-old castle. I’m betting some of us have undies tucked away that are nearly as old. Admit it, you’re not even going to wear those on laundry day.
3. Expired batteries. You know, the pile in the junk drawer that you’re really going to test one day to see if they’re really expired? None of us are going to do that. Same thing with old light bulbs and stray power cords. By the way, I’ll give you the moral superiority of getting rid of these in an environmentally safe way with these ideas.
4. Opened cans of paint. Once they’re opened (and even if you carefully re-seal them) you have maybe two years before they’re worthless. Heat, cold and time won’t even make the pigment the same color any more. Get rid of them safely with these regulations.
5. Your toothbrush. Dentists advise us to swap out our toothbrushes every six months. The buildup of bacteria and the decreased efficiency of the bristles make that old favorite of yours not only gross, but a health hazard. Don’t even save it to clean the grout! Just say bye-bye.
6. Stacks of old magazines and newspapers. Remember that 16-foot-stack in your bedroom just waiting to topple over and crush you in your sleep? No, you will not flip through them to find that article about faux painting. You just won’t. And everything is online and ready to read.
7. Broken toys and games with missing pieces. Look, even Andy from “Toy Story” is telling you to chuck the doll missing a leg and the games with only half the pieces. Really. I promise.
8. Old, expired makeup. Yes, lipstick and mascara and all that other stuff does have a use-by date. I am the worst at this. My girlie Crystal ripped off her sunglasses one day to show me double pinkeye. Throw them out. Throw them out!
9. Pillows. Say “hello” to the neighbors in your pillow. You know, the one you snuggle into at night? Health specialists tell us that a 2-year-old pillow’s weight is roughly 10 percent dust mites and their droppings.
10. Cleaning sponges. Kitchen or bathroom, we need to replace these once a month. Every couple of days, Mr. Sponge needs a cleaning to get rid of bacteria buildup.