21 Weird Canned Foods You Won’t Be Eating Any Time Soon


 21 Weird Canned Foods You Won’t Be Eating Any Time Soon

In a world with so many delicious options, these canned food oddities really make me scratch my head. Just… why?

1. Nooooooooooooo!

C’mon, people. You can take 10 minutes and make the blue box. It’s gotta be better than this.

canned mac and cheese

2. Clams. That are grilled. And free of harmful germs.

I wasn’t aware that germy clams were something I needed to be aware of. Noted.

3. Sack O’ Sauce in a Can O’ Meat

“It’s an amazing improvement in canned meat meals.” Is it?

4. You know how easy it is to defrost fresh frozen shrimp, right?

Why the jar?

5. All the bugscanned bugs

I’m oddly drawn to the chocolate-covered super worms because my brain only sees “super chocolate.” But you can have all the others.


6. This cheeseburger in a can actually makes we want a cheeseburger in a can

Um, nope. Never mind.

canned cheeseburger


 canned cheeseburger

7. Beans with a “z”

This one’s going on the list simply because I am against the purposeful misspelling of words. Also, I can’t imagine that faux cheese sauce is incredibly delicious.

8. Your favorite deli salad… in a can?canned potato salad

Nothing wrong with getting a fresh scoop at the deli counter, folks.


9. Hot dogs that never expire

I mean, “fresh” hot dogs keep for a good six months, right? Imagine how long the canned version lasts. Put a dozen of these into your disaster kit, stat.

10. Mushy peas

An actual Amcanned mushy peasazon customer question and answer:

Question: “Are these actual ‘mashed’ peas — kind of like if I blended whole peas in a blender? Thanks.”

Answer: “So you have dense peas in a mash up of these same peas. It’s the same idea as canned re-fried pinto beans — some beans for bean texture, and the rest mashed beans for flavor.”

Real question: Why?


11. Canned corned beef doesn’t seem so badcanned corned beefcanned corned beef

It starts out fairly promising…But ends up looking like this. Pass.


12. Two of my favorite things combined. Oh, wait…

You’ve got your white fungus. You’ve got your bird’s nest. Of course you should make them into a drink.

white fungus birds nest drink

13. Canned lasagna is an impossibility in layering

I’m calling your bluff on this one, Chef Boyardee. You can’t just call any noodle-sauce-meat combo lasagna. I can see into that can. It’s pasta with meat sauce at best.

14. Tastes like chicken?

The French typically know their stuff when it comes to cuisine, but I’m going to have to pass on this pigeon pâté. Something about eating the birds that hang out on my fence…

pigeon terrine

15. More pigeon

The less fancy version of the above pâté.

16. Bacon Spam

Why do you have to ruin perfectly good bacon?

bacon spam

17. Canned tamales, you say?canned tamales

That might not be so bad. They actually look pretty tasty on that label.



Oh wait… This is how they really look? Never mind.

18. Spork, but not the utensil

I just don’t think I need sweet pork.

canned spork

19. PB&Js aren’t that hard to make

The Candwich. For when you really can’t muster the strength to slather two pieces of bread with peanut butter and jelly.

20. Stop the presses… There’s unicorn meat?

canned unicorn meat

This was almost on the list of canned foods I would devour. But as much as I want unicorn superpowers and endless sparkles, I could never eat an actual unicorn. Sacrilege.

21. In case of zombie attack

How disappointed would you be if the zombie apocalypse came and you realized all you had were cans of Twinkies? (Though they could definitely be counted on to last till the end of time.)


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