I’ll Be There For You
You may or may not be aware that February 11th is National Make-A-Friend Day.
So, how do you make a new friend? Are you the type of person that makes friends easily, or do you find it hard to connect with people?
Here are some suggestions for making new friends:
1. Listening: While people like a friend who is interesting, no one is looking for a self-absorbed friend who is caught up in their own world and doesn’t want to listen to what you have to say. Nothing can jump start a friendship like genuine caring. On the flip side of this, be careful not to become “that friend” who only gets in touch with you to vent and unload about their miserable life. Everyone needs to do that occasionally, and if you find yourself in a friendship where you are doing this for the other person but it is not reciprocated, you may want to reevaluate that relationship, but never let self-pity and seeking validation become the basis of a friendship. It is not good for either person.
2. Be Accepting And Get Out of Your Comfort Zone: In any group, there are people who make friends easily and people who don’t. Don’t jump to categorizing people as potential friends or not before you even talk to them. The people who become your longest lasting friends may surprise you.
3. Social Activity: Yes, as obvious as it may seem, the more time you spend with other people, the more chances you have of making friends. Getting involved with activities where you can meet people with common interests is crucial. Sports, the arts, hobbies; anything that brings people together. Many of my closest friends have come through decades of doing community theatre.
[one_fourth]
[/one_fourth][three_fourth_last]
4. Social Networking: Yes, I am aware that Facebook tells you to only send friend requests to people you know, but there is a lot to be said for extended a hand of friendship to someone who shares multiple online friends. Chances are that if you know a lot of the same people, you share an interest of some sort. One of my best friends is a woman named Michele: when I was looking for children to step into a play I was directing, I posted something on Facebook looking for kids. Michele responded and suggested her boys, and they came to a rehearsal. After more than a week of Michele going out of her way to help with anything possible and being the best part of working on the show, I had to break down and ask “Michele, do I know you?” It turned out that we had never met in real life, but she had seen my posts on other friends’ pages and I had made her laugh or made points she found interesting, and she sent me a friend request. This developed into one of the most sincere and devoted friendships I’ve ever had.
5. Be nice! Every day you interact with other people who, just like you, deal with rudeness from strangers constantly and feel unappreciated. A genuine kind word or a smile can make a big difference. For example: as a film critic, I attend a lot of studio advance screenings run by studio representatives and security people who are dealing with crowds of people with free passes demanding things or complaining because they didn’t get in because they showed up late, or refusing to put away their cellphones. Once, while attending a screening, I went into the theatre and sat down before they were allowing press inside. A grumpy security guard approached telling me I couldn’t be in there yet and asked if I could go out and come back in in ten minutes. There was no good reason I could see for me to have to do this, but instead of getting defensive, I read her body language and could see that she was tired and had had a long day, I said “sure,” and thanked her for letting me know I was accidentally breaking protocol. Ever since then, when I have gone to a screening that she is working, if other security guards try to wand me or take my phone, she jumps in and says “he’s press, leave him alone, he’s good to go.” This woman just needed a tiny bit of appreciation and sympathy for the difficult job she does, and I always enjoy talking to her at screenings.
These are just a few suggestions, but they are easily adaptable to each individual. And if you find even one of them useful, you may just find make a lasting friendship.
